MY HOME

Dear Diary,

I don’t even know how to begin this submission. I actually keep my own personal journal that I write in at night and then hide under my mattress (but pretend I didn’t just reveal my super-secret hiding place). 2020 and 2021 was hard, dude. I thought that this phase of my life would be the most exciting time. I thought I’d be in a committed relationship, living independently on my own, and feeling good about where I am at. Unfortunately, I am none of those things.

2020 was the year of loneliness and the beginning of a global pandemic that knows no end. I was actually okay with that, at first. Working from home, school from home, never having to get done up to go out and see people…It all sounded like a dream come true for my introverted side. But then it just never stopped. I put all of the hopes and expectations I had for myself in life on hold while the rest of the world was on pause as well, expecting that I could just pick up where I left off once the state of the world got better.

2021 has been the year of things not getting much better. It actually started pretty decently. I was seeing someone, and they made me feel…Well, to be honest I don’t really know how to describe how they made me feel. The best way I can describe them is that they felt like home. They were my safety, my peace, my quiet in the middle of a storm. But what we had was fleeting, and I simply was not home for them like they were for me. It really sucked, and I don’t have any other poetic way to describe the hurt they inflicted when they left.

The rest of 2021 hasn’t been much better, nor has it been much worse. The weird thing about my life is that I feel as though I live in a constant state of mediocrity, something I never thought I would ever say during my college experience. I feel stuck in this cycle of working, learning, and just existing. There are not many things these days that truly excite me or bring me a sense of comfort, but one thing is for certain: MTSU, my friends, this town are my home.