Hypervisibly Invisible

I am disabled.

That’s a fact that I have taken years to accept.

I. AM. DISABLED.

Growing up using a wheelchair sucked. Not because I was limited to places I could go, or the fact that it got in the way.

The reason it sucked is because it made me hypervisible to everyone around me.

Other kids, and even the adults, would notice the wheelchair before noticing me.

You would think that maybe that could be a good thing, but it wasn’t.

You see, this is where the word “invisible” comes into play.

Everyone would see the wheelchair and make preconceived assumptions about me.

Then, instead of engaging in conversation with me, they would ignore me.

They would act as if I was invisible.

I had hoped that this would end as soon as we got older and matured, but I was mistaken.

I noticed that these people, “friends”, that I started school with kept their preconceived assumptions about me all through elementary school, middle school, high school, and beyond.

I knew I needed a fresh start, and college was the perfect opportunity, or so I thought.

My freshman year felt eerily like high school all over again.

I would go into the dining hall and feel hypervisible, again. It felt like everyone would quit whatever they were doing and stare at me. I didn’t get a “hello!” or a “how are you?” just stares.

During classes, I felt the same way. I had the “special” desk, extra time, left the room for tests, and the professors all made sure I had what I needed when class started.

I am very grateful for all of these things that make my college experience accessible, but it felt like the other students were judging me for it.

Also, in the beginning of freshman year, I had an aid that would come to class with me.

This made me feel invisible to other students, because they didn’t want to work with me since I had an adult with me.

Covid happened the spring semester of my freshman year.
This is when I finally accepted my disability fully.

The year of slowing down and taking my time had its ups and downs. I went through multiple moments of depression, some for reasons a lot of people in my life still don’t know about.

But accepting my disability was one of the major reasons I was depressed. I had been treated differently my entire life by others who acknowledged I was disabled, so why would I want to acknowledge it?

After months of listening to my body and my mind, I decided that I couldn’t keep living life not being myself.

My disabled, happy, life-loving self.

My life has changed for the positive so much since I accepted my disability.

I found amazing friends that love me for me!

I want to use my disability and life experiences to help others accept themselves.

I also want to educate able-bodied individuals how to be inclusive and treat everyone with love and kindness!