WE’LL JUST KEEP GOING

Not sure where to start. I’m tired. COVID changed everything. Somewhere along the line, I lost my passion for life. Not sure why. My counselor tells me it happening everywhere. I see it on tv and I hear it on podcasts, so it can’t be all me. I’m not suicidal or anything like that. I just wanted to write my thoughts down so I can process them. So…

It seems like stuff I have dug my heels into is not the grounding I need at this point. Often times I wonder about even going to school. I feel pretty f*&%#d up. Loans, repayment, tuition assistance, it just gets overwhelming. Maybe I’m just spoiled. I don’t know. I have worked hard all my life, but these last two years have made me pause. It just feels like everything has changed.

People I know not in school are making more starting out than my own mother who has worked at the same job for 29 years. I just don’t understand.  I question going to school to get a piece of paper and a lot of debt when work is abundant. Teachers are on edge. Counselors are tired. And the students? We just wonder.

Today I found out I have to have surgery to possibly save my life. A life I am wondering about right now.  It’s a hereditary condition that I..well..inherited. I could take a break, but I feel like I need to keep going.   Do I keep going? I feel like so much support for my recovery will be needed and I could take a break, but I want to finish.  I want to feel like I have accomplished something.  I just don’t know. What I do know is I just somehow have to keep going.  I know I am not the only one going through it. All of us are messed up during this time. I’m sure someone probably feels the same way I do – at least a few people, ya know?

Anyway, thanks for listening.  It’s hard to share these days.

We’ll just keep going.